"Directors Ridley Scott and Tim Burton traded their favorite actors Wednesday, closing a deal in which Scott received Johnny Depp and Burton received Russell Crowe plus two guys from Black Hawk Down and a three-pack of watermelon Bubble Yum. "I'm going to cover his face in white powder and make him wear a purple fright wig and a Victorian frock coat with swirls all over it," said Burton, who unsuccessfully attempted to trade away an old Michael Keaton with whom he hardly ever plays anymore.
"Russell Crowe's going to be the best misfit undertaker ever!" Scott, meanwhile, told reporters that he was just glad he got rid of a crappy action figure like Crowe and that he and Burton had definitely called no tradebacks"
- The Onion